So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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