im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
