I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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