My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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