Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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