When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
