Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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