grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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