I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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