its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
