i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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