I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
