just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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