I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
