I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
