Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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