Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
