either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
