he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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