eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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