i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
