You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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