who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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