This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
