i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
