billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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