I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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