handjob tips. give me some.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
