I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
