Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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