Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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