i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
