We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
