we're chasing vodka with high fives
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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