you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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