I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
