is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
