But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
