I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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