A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
