I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
