Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
