His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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