That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The ass gains better be worth it
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