At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
