I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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