and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
