I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
