So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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