she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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