You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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