who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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