I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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