It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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