go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
